The spaces between my fingers

Vanilla Twilight

Xmas wish list

There is always at least one friend who asks me what I want for Xmas, and I am always stumped because I am put on the spot. So before it happens again this year, I am offering to the world a peek at my letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

This year I have been a little naughty but mostly nice. I have enjoyed working on the ambulance. I don't get to do a lot of 911-emergency calls, but I have been able to talk to a lot of patients during inter-facility transports. Doing both full time school and full time work has been hard, but I'm still smiling. I hope this list isn't asking too much.

Hoodie thing - my brother John's friends make this really awesome cold-weather accessory.

Guitar bag/case- my brother Chung bought me a guitar but I don't want to take it out of the house until I get a bag/case for it.

Lens Crafters Gift certificate- There are two pairs I have my eye on. One is a really artsy, hipsterish cat-eye style and the other is a half-rim Oakley frame.

Wallace and Gromit set - They are my favorite and some of the few movies that I remember enough to randomly quote. I think I already bought this for myself once but it was probably lost in a break-up. I already have "A Matter of Loaf or Death."

iPod docking station - There are two places in my life where music is desired but lacking: the kitchen and in the shower. It would be awesome to not have to bring my laptop into the kitchen just to listen to music while I cook.

The "Yeah-Right" section
Tiffany Somerset ring - I've loved this ring for the longest time. Size 6 or 7.

New windshield- my 2007 Honda Civic hybrid has had a crack in it's windshield for over a month and have not been able to get it replaced.

Tinted windows- to protect the interior of my car from extreme summer heat
S-factor classes- The closest location to me is Costa Mesa.

Sincerely,
Kimi

. . .

Oh, I'm gonna be wounded
Oh, I'm gonna be your wound
Oh, I'm gonna bruise you
Oh, you're gonna be my bruise

Question / Rhett Miller

"Question"

She woke from a dream
Her head was on fire
Why was he so nervous
He took her to the park
She crossed her arms and
Lowered her eye lids

Someday somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Maybe tonight
Ive got a querstion for you

She'd had no idea
Started to cry
She said in a good way
He took her by the hand
Walked her back home
They took the long way

Someday somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Maybe tonight
Ive got a question for you

--------

Sometimes I feel like my timing is bad, my cartography's off, and my standards are messed up. The prospect is probable and depressing that I will find another person who has his own thing going on with no room in his heart or life for me. The former is not what I worry about, but how it plays out is where I get screwed. Throwing them out the window is an option but then what am I left with? My values and expectations are what keep me from picking the good from the bad. The potentially successful relationships from those that are doomed.

Lately I've been thinking that it would be nice to be in love for real before I really lost sight of what that really means.

I'm a cheeseball

Mario f/Gucci Mane

Break Up
The beat is so enticing, exciting, makes me want to move.
Don't know about the lyrics though.

Juno's Dad

"Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Keep or return?

People in my life have told me that I am too quick to settle. There was one time I ordered my salad to have dressing on the side because I think that most restaurants over-drench their greens with it and I'd like to add just enough. My salad instead came out with dressing on top, but rather than send it back to the kitchen I decided to eat it. I didn't want to trouble the kitchen and waitstaff and have them throw away food on my behalf. My cousin with whom I was dining told me that I was a pushover and characterized me as a person who would settle for less than what I expect.

Imagine my dilemma when I receive the above shirt that wasn't exactly what I wanted. I ordered it from a booth at the health expo before the Disneyland half marathon, where the sales lady told me I could order any of the shirts in any of the styles they have. There was a long sleeve cream-colored one that I could have purchased on-site and satisfied my American need for immediate gratification but instead I decided to customize and wait because I don't really wear long sleeve shirts. I chose a tri-blend short sleeve tee in heather blue (see this for heather blue color) to have the same writing as the top in the picture. But I instead got a cotton long sleeve tee in sky blue. At least they got the style right in the color font I wanted. I was so excited to get the package because I LOVE the writing--Just not the color and the sleeve length.

So i pitch the question out to the world: Would I be a weak sucker if I kept it? Or should I be picky and send it back?

The Frisky

Stumbled upon a blog today and found an amusing article: The Mind Of Man: How We Say “I Love You” (Without Actually Saying, “I Love You”)

Shockable rhythm detected

Have you ever wondered what physically happens to your heart when love leaves? Or dies? A life lost or lost love injures, hurts, and leaves a mark. I recently heard a story about a woman whose boyfriend went into cardiac arrest and died right before her eyes. I instantly put myself in her shoes, helplessly watching the one who owns your heart leave, never to return. It would not be right to compare her heartbreak to what I've experienced in my life, but I have felt loss. It almost feels like my heart has stopped. Who knows if I will ever find the jolt I need to get it working again.

The heart remembers everything. What does my EKG say?

Almost bought

Then I realized that I should spend the money on lunch or something.
But it's soo cute.
Penguins, bunnies and snow. Who could ask for anything more?

Trips

My budget nowadays is limited, so I've been consigned to taking trips in my head. Here is one place to add to the list of places I'd like to visit.

Capilano Suspension Bridge
Vancouver, BC

How gorgeous is this?

Shirt

I need to get this for a few of my friends at work.

Wanted: A Pick-me-up

I'm starting another list... of things that I would theoretically like to have. The original thought came from the fact that I don't own any of the videos/DVDs that I watch or would like watch. Owning them would make it hand for those nights I want to wrap myself up in a blanket with a glass of wine. If I were to gift myself something I'd be a basket containing a soft throw blanket, comfy loungewear, and several movies:

Chick Flicks
- When Harry Met Sally
- High Fidelity

Animated movies:
- Wall-E
- Wallace and Gromit series

There are a few other ones that I frequently like to watch but do not need to own: Some Kind of Wonderful, The Breakfast Club, Say Anything, something by Pedro Almodóvar, Amelie, Pan's Labyrinth, ... there are more that i cannot remember because I haven't had the time to park myself in front of the TV.

Already Own
- Muppet Show season 1, 2, 3
- Punky Brewster, first 8 episodes

President of the Trier Drinking Society

I was looking through one of my old journals, where I make lists, muse, and write down ideas and thoughts to look up. I followed up on one thought this morning. I must have been driving home from work when I heard a segment on NPR's "The Writer's Almanac" where Garrison Keillor talks about Karl Marx writing to his wife. Here is part of the segment, which aired May 5, 2008:

It's the birthday of Karl Marx, born in Trier, Germany (1818), the son of a lawyer. Marx went to university to study law but was not a very dedicated student and became president of the Trier Tavern Drinking Society. When he transferred to a school in another city, he became a more serious student. He married Jenny von Westphalen, his childhood sweetheart and the daughter of a Prussian Baron, in 1843. They would have seven children together, only three of whom would survive to become adults. Nonetheless they had a tender and generally happy marriage, and Marx once wrote to his wife, "There are actually many females in the world, and some among them are beautiful. But where could I find again a face whose every feature, even every wrinkle, is a reminder of the greatest and sweetest memories of my life?"

Someone once told me that I seem like I am equal parts romantic/idealistic and practical. My fondness for what Marx wrote to his wife captures that. He is at once being idealistic and romantic, telling his wife that she is the only one he'd rather be with. But the mention of the reasons why make it all the more real: There are beautiful people in the world, but I'm not interested in them--you are my life. You can also feel the gratitude and appreciation in the tone.

Just when you think you understand a philosopher/political theorist/social scientist, you learn something about him that surprises/delights you.

Workout playlist makeover

I was running today and got bored with the music that was on my Workout playlist. The list is about 2 years old and needs some editing. Any suggestions? I'm X'ing the ones I'm planning to remove from the list because I always skip them.

X Don't Stop - ATB
Commonwealth (Cheap Chicks) - Bahamadia
Wouldn't it be Nice - Beach Boys
Don't Worry Baby - Beach Boys
X Still Dirty - Christina Aguilera
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
X Sci-Fi Wasabi - Cibo Matto
Over and Over again (Lost and Found)
The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Is this Love? - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Go! - Common
Here it Goes Again - Ok Go
Friday I'm in Love- The Cure
X Why Can't I Be You - THe Cure
Harder Better Stronger Faster (Neptunes Remix) - Daft Punk
One More Time - Daft Punk
Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
Your Heart is an Empty Room - Death Cab for Cutie
X Jumpin, Jumpin - Destiny's Child
Where Did Our Love go? - Diana Ross
Come See About Me - Diana Ross
Baby Love - Diana Ross
X Someday We'll be together - Diana Ross
Hate it or love it - The Game
Maneater - Hall and Oates
X Sexy Back - Justin TImberlake
Stronger - Kanye West
X Gold Digger f/Jamie Foxx
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Nanny Nanny Boo Boo - Le Tigre
X After Dark - Le Tigre
X Don't Drink Poison - Le Tigre
Loungin (Who Do you Love ) - LL Cool J
X Fire Fire - MIA
Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects
Last Resort - Papa Roach
Work it - Missy Elliot
X Get Ur Freak On f/ Nelly Furtado - Missy Elliot
Float On - Modest Mouse
X Ocean Breathes Salty - Modest Mouse
X Shake Ya Ass - Mystical
Maneater - Nelly Furtado
Promiscuous f/ TImbaland - Nelly Furtado
X Say It right - Nelly Furtado
Do It - Nelly Furtado
X Bizzare Love Triangle - New Order
Hella Good - No Doubt
Just a Girl - No Doubt
B.O.B. (Remix) - Outkast
Ditty - Paperboy
X Tombstone, Baby - Peaches
I love your smile - Shanice
Kissing the Lipless - THe Shins
X '93 Til Infinity - Souls of Mischief
What About your Friends - TLC
Ain't Too Proud to Beg - TLC
X Blue Monday - New Order
Mas Que Nada - Sergio Mendes
X Luv 2 Luv U (remix) - Timbaland
X Clock Strikes (remix) - Timbaland
Kick Push - Lupe Fiasco
X Never Lies - Lupe Fiasco
Don't Phunk With My Heart - Black Eyed Peas
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
X My Style f/ Justin Timberlake - Black Eyed Peas
The Way You Move - Big Boi f/ Sleepy Brown
X Superstar f/ Matthew Santos - Lupe Fiasco
When You Were Young - The Killers
Jenny Was a Friend of Mine - The Killers
Get Up (Main) - Ciara f/ Chamillionaire
Hey Ya - Andre 3000
Glamorous f/ Ludacris - Fergie
Pogo - Digitalism
X Kids - MGMT
Oh Mandy - The Spinto Band
Obstacle 1 - Interpol
X Yeah! - Usher
Keep the Car Running - Arcade Fire
12 O'Clock Girl - James Maker

Know any good workout/running songs?

Dreams

There has been a strange new phenomenon in my life. I have woken up remembering my dreams. For as long as I can remember I haven't been able to remember anything i dreamed about the night before. I was concerned about it enough to ask about my dreamless sleep during an anatomy lecture on brain memory and reorganization (a la the hippocampus). My professor says you're not supposed to remember them unless you woke up in the middle of or right after REM. That brought relief.

But now I'm remembering them! Does this mean my nights are more fitful and restless? Most likely. It's been difficult to be in a long distance relationship, have a milestone birthday, work 2 jobs and not really have time to unwind. There was one dream in particular I had at the beginning of the month that was amazingly vivid. It felt as though I were watching a fairy tale and I had to write it down.

Once upon a time, there lived a king and queen of the forest who ruled over the land with the power of their love. All in the kingdom were humbled by it and loved to be subjects in such a positive and peaceful land. Daily citizens had conversations about the king and queen's true love for each other, and how much it inspired them. They needed no police, no taxes-- love brought peace and comfort to the hearts of all. The kingdom itself was beautiful. The colors shone brightly, the sun was warm but not too hot, the breeze was cool and balmy, and the world seemed to sing. I think this dream was in technicolor.

Around the castle, a loving couple would communicate in short glances, an affectionate hand on the other's shoulder, just staring into each other's eyes. The king would leave notes where his queen could find them to remind her of how special, beautiful and loved she was. They had a special language which only the two of them understood that looked like single-line drawings on EKG strips.

One day, to the dismay of all who knew her, the queen mysteriously disappeared. In my dream she had either fallen ill, died, or disappeared. The king was heartbroken. Part of him believed that his queen would one day return. That she was still alive and would come back to him. But in the meantime he could not rule without her. He gave up his crown to live in the forest and took one of his advisers with him. They were shape-shifters so he and his adviser decided to turn into large trees, kind of like the tall Ents in Lord of the Rings, so that they could retreat but still be able to listen and watch for any sign of the queen.

Months/years... [time] passes.

Suddenly the king began to hear rumors of a woman or being that fit the queen's description: her good nature, her beauty, her grace. He started finding new secret love notes like the ones they used to write to each other. Though skeptical, they king began to move out of the depths of the forest and closer to the kingdom. The king then announced that on a certain day, for an entire day, he would display the queen's ring for her to come forward and reclaim by trying it on. (very Cinderella-esque)

That particukar day came quickly and the king sent his adviser to the town square. He placed a pillow out--on it sparkled the queen's ring. The whole kingdom gathered with wide-eyed anticipation of their queen's return and with hopes that their kingdom would be restored to the happy place it had been. They wanted desperately to believe in true love again.

The day stretched long. No sign. The sun began to set but the ring sparkled on.
The collective heart of the land was once again broken.
She never came.

And then I woke up.

Some of the details are still missing and I hope to fill them in with "awake" fiction because I think it's a lovely (though tragic) story. If you ask whether I'm supposed to be the queen in this story, I'll tell you no.
My thoughts and feelings throughout the entire dream were from the perspective of the king.

Rawr!

Another shirt.

Sticky note

Songs about LA

Songs about CA

I [heart] poems

Haiku shirt 1

Haiku shirt 2
an oldie but goodie

Sticky note

Mayor's Midnight Marathon - Anchorage, AK

I have too many shirts

Cancel My Subscription

Why do I want any more?

See Kim Tri

Here the quest begins. I will complete a triathlon this year.

Equipment needed:
Wetsuit
Bike
Helmet
Shoes
Heart
Mind


Possible Events:
Oxnard Splash and Dash
500m / 2 miles
July 5, Aug. 17, or Sept. 13
$35 + $10 USAT one-day membership

Imperial Beach Triathlon & Duathlon
Imperial Beach- San Diego, CA
Triathlon:1/2K Ocean Swim, 15K Bike, 5K Run
Duathlon: 2K Run, 15K Bike, 5K Run
Aug. 23
$65

Mission Bay Triathlon
Mission Bay- San Diego, CA
500-meter swim - 15K bike - 5K run
Oct. 4
$75

See Jane Run Triathlon
Shadow Cliffs Regional Park- Pleasanton, CA
400 yd swim • 11 mi bike • 3 mi run
Sept. 26
$85


If you know of any more or are thinking of doing one, Let me know! We'll train together.

Surf City Half-Marathon- Post race report

Feb 1, 2009 - Superbowl Sunday (Steelers vs. Cardinals, great game!)

I woke up at 5am to be able to find parking for the race and it was well worth it... even if it was butt-ass cold by the beach at 6am. I thought my fingers were about to fall off. I wore long pants and a long sleeve shirt and didn't take them off the whole time even when the sun was out, which I thought was unusual for me because I thought I could only run kind of distance with shorts. I parked at the beach lot at PCH & Newland, facing the shore. After the race, I iced my legs in the ocean.

I was slightly disappointed that I didn't train as hard as I could have. (If I am allowed 3 excuses they were 1. the Holidays and cold weather 2. Not a lot of time with full time work and school 3. I was sick for the last few days before the race.) I thought I wanted to do the race with my iPod on to keep me moving, but voted against it when I realized I don't have 3 hours worth of running music or an arm strap for it. On my Friday shift before the race I told my EMT work partner that I would be happy with a time under 3 hours and if I didn't die. Then I got some words of encouragement and advice from my friend Jenni L. who told me "Mind over Matter, Kim!" and I decided to not settle for less than my full effort.

Time? 2:37:54-- about 10 minutes slower than my time from the Long Beach Half (2:28:05). Only 10! I hit a "wall" during my last 2 miles, but other than that, it wasn't too bad. (The course in Long Beach felt much easier.) Only one more half marathon to complete my California Dreamin' Series: SF here I come!

My most favorite part of running this one were the songs that were in my head. Last race it was "Smile Like You Mean It" and "When You were Young" by The Killers. This time, with the help of a couple of Surf City runners who were singing out loud at around mile 3 and mile 6, I got Matthew Wilder's "Break My Stride" and Madonna's "Into the Groove". So awesome. More to add to my workout playlist!

Second most favorite part of this race was the medal:

My Journal Collection

Yes, they are mine.
Yes. There might be a couple that are missing, but it was unintentional. One was in my bookbag and one is still shrink-wrapped and sitting on my bookshelf.
Yes, they are many.
No, they are not all full. I would only consider 3 of them to be completely filled.
A couple are in progress and the majority are blank.
One has only recipes in it.
One is my 2004 Vietnam travel journal.
A few were purchased for inspiration for my own journal-making projects so they will never be written in.
A few were gifts. (Thank you!)

You would think that a girl with this many journals and a couple of weblogs would have a lot of thoughts and have things figured out. On the contrary. It's because she is still learning and figuring things out about herself and about the world that she continues to write.

I show these not to elbow or make a jab at anyone who has given me a journal or plans to give me a journal (because I love them), but to show that I know I have come a long way and have a long way to go. In one of my first journals given to all students in my fourth grade class, I thought I was being clever in writing the sentence "I like ___ ___." backward. Maybe I can get my secret out without anyone finding out, i must have thought, even thought I knew the teacher read them.

Love and heartache continue to mystify me and be a powerful muse.

I have actually been on a writing hiatus for several months now... swamped with work and school while squeezing in dates in the between-time. I guess I just needed a bit of red velvet cake to help me realize that I have finished processing some of the random thoughts that have been swimming in my mind and re-evaluate what is important in my life. (I guess my huge tattoo is not doing its job very well.)

---

One of the biggest downers in my life right now is the fact that the economy sucks. My public speaking professor--yes, public speaking. If you must know, some nursing schools require me to prove via transcript that I can speak in front of people--mentioned in class yesterday about the murder-suicide of a Wilmington family. Police and a letter left behind suspect that the father killed his wife and three kids after both income earners in the house were fired from Kaiser Permanente West LA.

One of my good friends who has been teaching English in Japan for the past 3 years is going to sign up for another year because she doesn't think there will be a job for her here. I and her other friends really wanted her to finally come home. The sad part is although I got an extension to visit her in Japan, I have less disposable income today than I did when I was told her I couldn't afford it in the past.

Another one of my best friends is about to lose her job in the next couple of weeks as an MFT after just having bought a new home. Economy-related closing of her company/organization.

My dad's hours have been cut in half.

My brother is looking for a job. Anyone need an entry-level legal assistant?

Just makes me appreciate that I have a job. Really.