I'm the talk of the men's locker room!

Wow, and so soon!


I don't think anyone expects to see people dressed for Halloween at 4am, so I probably turned a few stomachs and shocked others while working at the gym today.

I heard:
Stop screwing around
You must be screwed up
Feeling a bit screwed?
Have you got a screw loose?
I think I lost a screw. (To which I replied, "I think I found it.")
I think you should get that checked out.
If you need help, I have a screwdriver you can use.
Stop yawning! (This one came from a man who left the gym in scrubs. I take it as in reference to the body's response to severe head trauma.)

The cycle instructor reported back to me that I was the talk of the men's locker room. Apparently, many of them didn't realize why I had a screw sticking out of my head.

Anyway, tonight I will be all dressed up with no parties to attend.
Some people are just so lucky.


PM Addendum: Yay! I get to cover someone's shift at another gym until Midnight. Now I have something to keep my mind off the fun I'm missing...like having some fun grossing people out. Since the morning, gravity and warmer temperatures have caused the blood to drip down a little more. Dang, I'm always wanted to be / do something gory or scary for Halloween. Awesome!

My dad--sigh--thinks that my prosthetic is not feminine enough. Too violent or gruesome for a girl. To which I say: Excellent! that was the goal.

Tripping

Many of these pictures could have turned out better if I actually stopped and took a few minutes to compose and take the shot. But when you're in the car for over 4 hours, a few minutes can mean you can get 5 miles further to your destination-- even if though I was going under the posted 75 MPH speed limit. So, I did not stop for many of the pics. When I did, I had to set the timer-- which feels weird, but hey. It's what you do when you're alone right?

After a week, 3000 miles, many many sights and cities passed, have I gained any insight that would make me feel better? Maybe. Not really. At least I know that my sadness and pain results from the heartbreak and not a sense of lacking in courage, independence or sense of self.

Natural inclinations

Usually when people feel intense pain and suffering, they want to extract, eradicate, exterminate, obliterate it immediately... but in the end, what they really want to do is the healthiest thing possible to get over it.

Like when you have an intense pain in your abdomen. You feel like ripping your insides out, but the rational side tells you to get it checked out, even if you learn that it's appendicitis or a tumor or something else. Then, after the doctor says it's ok then you cut the sucker out! (We won't even explore the avenues people take when they can't afford health care.)


So what do you do if your pain is emotional or mental and trying to address the symptoms or causes is IMPOSSIBLE?

- Try to replace it with other feelings
- Distract yourself from the causes/symptoms by watching crappy tv, attending concerts, making Halloween costumes, reading, studying, working, working out, driving 3000 miles, pretending to have a crush on the sales guy at the big sale, hanging out with friends, sleeping, knitting, making phone calls to everyone in your contact list, shopping, eating, blogging, or . . .
- Talking about it with friends, family or a therapist
- Move to another city
- Move to another country
- Think about tackling multiple things on THE LIST.

So, Buddhism teaches that it's about taking the road toward towards the least suffering. We all want to be content.

Which road was that exactly? I think I've taken a wrong turn.

Just me and My Car

Look up road conditions on I-15, check.
First road trip alone through Nevada, Utah, the corner of Idaho, Wyoming... on the way to Bozeman. I was kinda freaked out, but I'm starting to feel better about things. The mental prep was a great challenge and distraction--been needing plenty of those lately.

Pack up plenty of snacks, knitting, and trashy magazines, check. (including Men's Health--interesting read!)
I can't wait until the Trader Joe's opens in Chino Hills!

Borrow friend's GPS Navigation
The main reason I feel safer.

Search friendly places to stop, check. (Vegas, Provo, West Yellowstone)
I've picked tourist cities and a university town that have high chances or having ever seen an Asian person... and people who may be friendly to a non-in-state resident.

Told about a dozen people that I'd call them from the road.
If you get a call from me, thanks in advance for answering or receiving the text. That way, if something happens to me, at least one person will be able to track the last place I stopped.

Said I love you to the people I love.
Very important.

Failed to mention...

Welcome back, kalbi.

Beeflessness was fun while it lasted.