Earth Sheep / 1919, 1979
Righteous, sincere, sympathetic, mild-mannered, shy, artistic, creative, gentle, compassionate, understanding, mothering, determined, peaceful, generous, seeks security. Can be moody, indecisive, over-passive, worrier, pessimistic, over-sensitive, complainer.
We shared the same zodiac year and attribute. People can be of the same Vietnamese zodiac year but differ in the heavenly stem associated with that year. I wonder if that has anything to do with how close I feel to her.
Things I remember:
I never had hair past my shoulders as a child. I used to love watching Bà undo the tight chignon (bun) in which her hair was pinned. I don't know if she knew I was watching, but I always felt like I wasn't supposed to see her with her hair down. Her hair would unravel and reach at least her waist. And she would comb it with a straight comb, not brush, starting from her scalp all the way down to the ends. (We have good hair.) Apparently, that hairstyle had been associated with either French elegance or Vietnamese nationalist resistance at different points in history. Hm... I kind of think for my grandma it was easy and fashionable.
If I was being a fussy eater, Bà would take me and my bowl of rice/food to the front yard. There she would distract me by pointing and the birds and asking "what is that?" in Vietnamese. As my mouth opened in awe or to say WOW, in came a spoonful of rice. I fell for it every time until my meal was done.
Bà told me once that my forehead (five-head) meant that no one would be able to take advantage of me. Interesting.
After she moved out of the LA house and into the one in OC, I would occasionally bring food to her and my uncle. By this time she was strictly vegetarian, I was out of college, working in the area, and she was beginning to need help with day to day activities. So i volunteered to trim her fingernails and toenails. I would trim mine at the same time to remind myself that she was due for a trim--if my nails were long, so were hers. My Vietnamese isn't very good, but we were able to work out an understanding. I brought her food and mani/pedis, and she told me stories. She told me about how she used to hop over fences and eat fruit from neighbors' trees. She told me how the family used to have a cement company in Northern Vietnam until they had to move South. It was all so fascinating. I loved listening to her. She spoke with her hands and you could see every emotion come through her expressions: the excitement, the fear, the relief that they made it through. It was funny how she punctuated every sentence with a "Mô Phâ.t!" or a clap.
There is so much more; it would take days for me to recount every detail.
In her last days I tried to come by once a weekend (because the home health nurse didn't come on weekends) to change her diaper, get her out of bed, feed her. I got to know Bà in her most vulnerable state. I did things for her I never imagined I'd do for another person. Most of these interactions were done in silence because her hearing was so far gone she didn't wear her aids anymore. Crude sign language, eye contact and smiles. No stories. Just smiles. I watched her slip away more each time I saw her.
This morning we found out she passed away during the night.
One of my aunts gave me a big hug when she saw me and thanked me for helping to take care of Ba. I told her not to thank me and I meant it. It was all my pleasure... pure self-interest. I had the privilege of spending time with her. Being able to hear the stories. Doing for her what she did for me when I was too young to do it myself. To take care of her. To be with her. I should be the one doing the thanking.
Thank you Bà. I love you.
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Up: Carl and Ellie
So I have a thing for Disney movies, especially Pixar collaborations. There, I said it.
Months ago, I saw a glimpse of the type of relationship I have been looking for. Yes, in a Disney movie. Call me sappy or hopeless, but the idealism in me still lives behind the sewn together patches and bits of my heart. She is Ellie, an adventurous spirit and he, Carl, is the one who loves her. In the beginning of the movie, Carl and Ellie meet and it goes into a montage of the couple lovingly growing old together. It's a relatively short part of the movie, but it was the part I remembered best. Getting married, building a home together, their challenges, their affection for one another. The love was in the details.
(sigh...)
On another note:
I will be done with my prerequisites next month and will be able to apply for schools (FINALLY!) The part of me that wants it all tells me that it might be time to look for Mr. Right while looking for the right nursing school/program. So much easier said than done. Factors in choosing a nursing program:
- How fast I can get started: Down with waiting lists!
- How soon I can work as an RN: Includes reputation of school, how long the program is, % of new grads with jobs,
- Cost: Consider my final debt to income ratio, support system, whether I can work at the same time
- Location: I've always wanted to live somewhere beyond SoCal
- Associated vs. Second Bachelor's vs. Masters
- What kind of nursing do I want to end up doing in the end? FNP, ICU, ER, Pediatric, other?
Decisions. Decisions.
Months ago, I saw a glimpse of the type of relationship I have been looking for. Yes, in a Disney movie. Call me sappy or hopeless, but the idealism in me still lives behind the sewn together patches and bits of my heart. She is Ellie, an adventurous spirit and he, Carl, is the one who loves her. In the beginning of the movie, Carl and Ellie meet and it goes into a montage of the couple lovingly growing old together. It's a relatively short part of the movie, but it was the part I remembered best. Getting married, building a home together, their challenges, their affection for one another. The love was in the details.
(sigh...)
On another note:
I will be done with my prerequisites next month and will be able to apply for schools (FINALLY!) The part of me that wants it all tells me that it might be time to look for Mr. Right while looking for the right nursing school/program. So much easier said than done. Factors in choosing a nursing program:
- How fast I can get started: Down with waiting lists!
- How soon I can work as an RN: Includes reputation of school, how long the program is, % of new grads with jobs,
- Cost: Consider my final debt to income ratio, support system, whether I can work at the same time
- Location: I've always wanted to live somewhere beyond SoCal
- Associated vs. Second Bachelor's vs. Masters
- What kind of nursing do I want to end up doing in the end? FNP, ICU, ER, Pediatric, other?
Decisions. Decisions.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Dream
For the past two nights I have woken up from dreams. I'm not sure what's going on with me internally (stress, hormones,diet etc.) or externally (body, neck position, etc) that is causing me to remember my dreams but I feel compelled to start writing them down since I don't usually remember them--to the point where I question whether I have them at all.
This one was interesting because it involved applying for a job at the organization where I used to work as a community organizer, but in a much different capacity than I had previously worked. It was for a supervisor/coordinator for the employment access and job training program. It was the portion of the interview where a classroom full of people could get to know the candidates: some of the people in the program, the employees of the organization, and community members. They asked the 4-5 candidates, "What would make you a good lawyer? Why are you applying for this job?" Question itself was random and it kind of threw me off, but I had my answer.
I waited until the other people spoke. I don't remember what they said, but I do remember what I said. I said I'm not applying to become a lawyer, but a humble leader and strong facilitator. But what I do know is that a Coordinator is essentially an advocate--an advocate for clients, the program, and her staff. (Part of this dream made me miss my former coordinator at the organization.) I spoke clearly and confidently about how I observed that this program meets that needs of individuals on a basic level, serves the people, builds dignity, and in turn strengthens the sense of community in the area. I have long admired the fact that after basic job training, people feel compelled to return and give on the backside. After they have found jobs and/or gotten themselves settled. The backflow on the backside was why I wanted to apply for the position and what I felt the strength of the program was.
I woke up really wanting to go back to doing community work. I woke up really wanting that job.
It got me thinking about how much different I am (or the same) after having left the organization 4 years ago. A lot has happened in that time. I have been working as an EMT now for two years and everything about it has made me a better person. Running emergency-911 calls and inter-facility transports between hospitals for the sick and recovering has introduced me to a myriad of different personalities of different social, economic and ethnic backgrounds. From Huntington Park to Huntington Beach, I have served people at their most vulnerable...sometimes thanklessly. It has taught me patience, humility, to trust my skills and to stick to my convictions while observing protocol and respecting policy. I am thankful for the opportunity to be doing what I do for a living. But I do want more. I know I can do more. Learn more. Grow more.
I think that's what this dream was about.
This one was interesting because it involved applying for a job at the organization where I used to work as a community organizer, but in a much different capacity than I had previously worked. It was for a supervisor/coordinator for the employment access and job training program. It was the portion of the interview where a classroom full of people could get to know the candidates: some of the people in the program, the employees of the organization, and community members. They asked the 4-5 candidates, "What would make you a good lawyer? Why are you applying for this job?" Question itself was random and it kind of threw me off, but I had my answer.
I waited until the other people spoke. I don't remember what they said, but I do remember what I said. I said I'm not applying to become a lawyer, but a humble leader and strong facilitator. But what I do know is that a Coordinator is essentially an advocate--an advocate for clients, the program, and her staff. (Part of this dream made me miss my former coordinator at the organization.) I spoke clearly and confidently about how I observed that this program meets that needs of individuals on a basic level, serves the people, builds dignity, and in turn strengthens the sense of community in the area. I have long admired the fact that after basic job training, people feel compelled to return and give on the backside. After they have found jobs and/or gotten themselves settled. The backflow on the backside was why I wanted to apply for the position and what I felt the strength of the program was.
I woke up really wanting to go back to doing community work. I woke up really wanting that job.
It got me thinking about how much different I am (or the same) after having left the organization 4 years ago. A lot has happened in that time. I have been working as an EMT now for two years and everything about it has made me a better person. Running emergency-911 calls and inter-facility transports between hospitals for the sick and recovering has introduced me to a myriad of different personalities of different social, economic and ethnic backgrounds. From Huntington Park to Huntington Beach, I have served people at their most vulnerable...sometimes thanklessly. It has taught me patience, humility, to trust my skills and to stick to my convictions while observing protocol and respecting policy. I am thankful for the opportunity to be doing what I do for a living. But I do want more. I know I can do more. Learn more. Grow more.
I think that's what this dream was about.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
President of the Trier Drinking Society
I was looking through one of my old journals, where I make lists, muse, and write down ideas and thoughts to look up. I followed up on one thought this morning. I must have been driving home from work when I heard a segment on NPR's "The Writer's Almanac" where Garrison Keillor talks about Karl Marx writing to his wife. Here is part of the segment, which aired May 5, 2008:
It's the birthday of Karl Marx, born in Trier, Germany (1818), the son of a lawyer. Marx went to university to study law but was not a very dedicated student and became president of the Trier Tavern Drinking Society. When he transferred to a school in another city, he became a more serious student. He married Jenny von Westphalen, his childhood sweetheart and the daughter of a Prussian Baron, in 1843. They would have seven children together, only three of whom would survive to become adults. Nonetheless they had a tender and generally happy marriage, and Marx once wrote to his wife, "There are actually many females in the world, and some among them are beautiful. But where could I find again a face whose every feature, even every wrinkle, is a reminder of the greatest and sweetest memories of my life?"
Someone once told me that I seem like I am equal parts romantic/idealistic and practical. My fondness for what Marx wrote to his wife captures that. He is at once being idealistic and romantic, telling his wife that she is the only one he'd rather be with. But the mention of the reasons why make it all the more real: There are beautiful people in the world, but I'm not interested in them--you are my life. You can also feel the gratitude and appreciation in the tone.
Just when you think you understand a philosopher/political theorist/social scientist, you learn something about him that surprises/delights you.
It's the birthday of Karl Marx, born in Trier, Germany (1818), the son of a lawyer. Marx went to university to study law but was not a very dedicated student and became president of the Trier Tavern Drinking Society. When he transferred to a school in another city, he became a more serious student. He married Jenny von Westphalen, his childhood sweetheart and the daughter of a Prussian Baron, in 1843. They would have seven children together, only three of whom would survive to become adults. Nonetheless they had a tender and generally happy marriage, and Marx once wrote to his wife, "There are actually many females in the world, and some among them are beautiful. But where could I find again a face whose every feature, even every wrinkle, is a reminder of the greatest and sweetest memories of my life?"
Someone once told me that I seem like I am equal parts romantic/idealistic and practical. My fondness for what Marx wrote to his wife captures that. He is at once being idealistic and romantic, telling his wife that she is the only one he'd rather be with. But the mention of the reasons why make it all the more real: There are beautiful people in the world, but I'm not interested in them--you are my life. You can also feel the gratitude and appreciation in the tone.
Just when you think you understand a philosopher/political theorist/social scientist, you learn something about him that surprises/delights you.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Remember when?
Whether or not Barack Obama wins the election, he will have had a lasting impact on my life. Thank you Obama for your time at ACORN as a community organizer. Because of you, less people will give me that perplexed look each time I explain the five years of my life after college.
I was a Community Organizer.
Yes, that means I dedicated my life to bringing up the lot of low income people and connecting people to resources, whether they existed or should exist.
Indeed, what I wanted the most was to restore dignity to people who did everything in their power to survive and feed their families.
Emphatically, I wanted to encourage each of the students I worked with to force open doors of opportunity, and use those opportunities to succeed and help their communities.
-->
Each person I came in contact with--whether it was the family who lived in the converted garage, the city officials who talked out of both sides of their mouth, the parents and teachers and organizations who came together because they cared, or the recovering addicts who cleaned our office--taught me a lot about myself and helped me realize what kind of life I want to live.
I was a Community Organizer.
Yes, that means I dedicated my life to bringing up the lot of low income people and connecting people to resources, whether they existed or should exist.
Indeed, what I wanted the most was to restore dignity to people who did everything in their power to survive and feed their families.
Emphatically, I wanted to encourage each of the students I worked with to force open doors of opportunity, and use those opportunities to succeed and help their communities.
-->
Each person I came in contact with--whether it was the family who lived in the converted garage, the city officials who talked out of both sides of their mouth, the parents and teachers and organizations who came together because they cared, or the recovering addicts who cleaned our office--taught me a lot about myself and helped me realize what kind of life I want to live.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Pleasant trees
Thank you to all my neighbors and others who planted fragrant plants in their yard: jasmine, orange blossoms, rosemary, eucalyptus. You make my runs delightful!
Friday, March 14, 2008
When I can't sleep, I write.
No thanks to the Vietnamese coffee I had at 7pm or the Sudafed I had before dinner last night.
Poetic structures
Limit open expression
To five, seven, five.
Writing by moonlight
Brings forth reflection and truth
Before my dream state.
Being without you
Is the curse that is the cure.
Life begins anew.
I'm a sparkling gem
Waiting to be discovered.
What does that make you?
. . .
Poetic structures
Limit open expression
To five, seven, five.
Writing by moonlight
Brings forth reflection and truth
Before my dream state.
Being without you
Is the curse that is the cure.
Life begins anew.
I'm a sparkling gem
Waiting to be discovered.
What does that make you?
. . .
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Furry Happy Monsters Feeling Glad
I love the Muppets! My passion is akin to the devotion that some have to sci-fi/fantasy, comics, e.g. Star Trek. I wish they had a Muppet Convention I could attend.
With REM
"50 ways to leave your lover"
Who could ask for anything more?
The cherry. You won't believe this.
Genius.
With REM
"50 ways to leave your lover"
Who could ask for anything more?
The cherry. You won't believe this.
Genius.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
teeth clencher
the last time i went to the dentist
he told me i grind my teeth
i told him i don't think i do it in my sleep
the hygenist guessed that maybe i grit my teeth
while driving--
since i told her i do a lot of that.
after which, the dentist suggested
i chew gum while in the car.
after packing about over 1000 shirts
into about 60 boxes
i just realized that i clench my teeth the most...
at work
he told me i grind my teeth
i told him i don't think i do it in my sleep
the hygenist guessed that maybe i grit my teeth
while driving--
since i told her i do a lot of that.
after which, the dentist suggested
i chew gum while in the car.
after packing about over 1000 shirts
into about 60 boxes
i just realized that i clench my teeth the most...
at work
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Which super-villain are you?
Your results:
You are Mystique
Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test
You are Mystique
| Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen. |
Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test
Friday, June 1, 2007
Things that make you go hmm...
So I bet I'm the last one to realize this, BUT...
1. My dogs are not fixed. We have a boy cocker spaniel and a girl shih tzu.
2. When you combine 2 different types of pure breds, you can change the name of the outcome breed. e.g. Pug and Beagle = puggle, Cocker Spaniel and Poodle = cockapoo.
3. The new breed name of Kirby and Roxy's babies would not be allowed to be spoken on network TV. But they'd be small, cute, probably beige and really furry!
How sad...
1. My dogs are not fixed. We have a boy cocker spaniel and a girl shih tzu.
2. When you combine 2 different types of pure breds, you can change the name of the outcome breed. e.g. Pug and Beagle = puggle, Cocker Spaniel and Poodle = cockapoo.
3. The new breed name of Kirby and Roxy's babies would not be allowed to be spoken on network TV. But they'd be small, cute, probably beige and really furry!
How sad...
Monday, May 21, 2007
[Almost] Hot guys
A few weeks ago, I went to closing night at Visual Communications' annual film festival, where they screened THE REBEL (Dong Mau Anh Hung), directed by Charlie Nguyen. It was in Vietnamese and French, with English subtitles. The male lead/hero is played by the director's very attractive younger brother, known in the credits as Johnny Tri Nguyen. I was one shirtless fight scene away from needing a bib when the film ended. Sigh.
After the credits stopped rolling, the director, producers and lead actors came on stage to talk about their experience putting the film together. And then it happened--the Let Down. Mr. Johnny Tri Nguyen spoke English and I winced. It sounded as though he had inhaled a breath full of helium before he spoke. I was crushed. How could he be my celebrity crush of the summer with that voice? Can you imagine, "Hey Baby, I'm so hot for you" in a voice slightly resembling that of Porky Pig (sans stuttering)? Double sigh.
I left the Aratani theatre and sought comfort in the reception outside. There, I met friends who swear Johnny Tri Nguyen was going to be their baby's daddy. I couldn't help it--I had to break the news. They were also in disbelief. So they did what any smitten woman would do...they wanted to see it for themselves, that the object of their affection/lust really was only eye candy. We scoured the reception, looking for the star with the excuse that we wanted a photo.
We got it.
Later on in the week, I did what I ususally do when I have a celebrity crush: I google-stalked Johnny Tri Nguyen. I could not believe what I found:
1. He is 33 years old. In person he looks 19.
2. He has been married. What?!
3. He also goes by the name Minh Tri when he's performing as a
Vietnamese pop star with Van Son entertainment. The scariest thing I found.
4. We have the best pictures of him. The great thing about photo
stills is that you can look and you don't have to listen.
And if you still wanted to read on...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Tri_Nguyen
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1248798/
He's an interesting cat. Not exactly my type.
After the credits stopped rolling, the director, producers and lead actors came on stage to talk about their experience putting the film together. And then it happened--the Let Down. Mr. Johnny Tri Nguyen spoke English and I winced. It sounded as though he had inhaled a breath full of helium before he spoke. I was crushed. How could he be my celebrity crush of the summer with that voice? Can you imagine, "Hey Baby, I'm so hot for you" in a voice slightly resembling that of Porky Pig (sans stuttering)? Double sigh.
I left the Aratani theatre and sought comfort in the reception outside. There, I met friends who swear Johnny Tri Nguyen was going to be their baby's daddy. I couldn't help it--I had to break the news. They were also in disbelief. So they did what any smitten woman would do...they wanted to see it for themselves, that the object of their affection/lust really was only eye candy. We scoured the reception, looking for the star with the excuse that we wanted a photo.
We got it.
Later on in the week, I did what I ususally do when I have a celebrity crush: I google-stalked Johnny Tri Nguyen. I could not believe what I found:
1. He is 33 years old. In person he looks 19.
2. He has been married. What?!
3. He also goes by the name Minh Tri when he's performing as a
Vietnamese pop star with Van Son entertainment. The scariest thing I found.
4. We have the best pictures of him. The great thing about photo
stills is that you can look and you don't have to listen.
And if you still wanted to read on...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Tri_Nguyen
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1248798/
He's an interesting cat. Not exactly my type.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
