Dream

For the past two nights I have woken up from dreams. I'm not sure what's going on with me internally (stress, hormones,diet etc.) or externally (body, neck position, etc) that is causing me to remember my dreams but I feel compelled to start writing them down since I don't usually remember them--to the point where I question whether I have them at all.

This one was interesting because it involved applying for a job at the organization where I used to work as a community organizer, but in a much different capacity than I had previously worked. It was for a supervisor/coordinator for the employment access and job training program. It was the portion of the interview where a classroom full of people could get to know the candidates: some of the people in the program, the employees of the organization, and community members. They asked the 4-5 candidates, "What would make you a good lawyer? Why are you applying for this job?" Question itself was random and it kind of threw me off, but I had my answer.

I waited until the other people spoke. I don't remember what they said, but I do remember what I said. I said I'm not applying to become a lawyer, but a humble leader and strong facilitator. But what I do know is that a Coordinator is essentially an advocate--an advocate for clients, the program, and her staff. (Part of this dream made me miss my former coordinator at the organization.) I spoke clearly and confidently about how I observed that this program meets that needs of individuals on a basic level, serves the people, builds dignity, and in turn strengthens the sense of community in the area. I have long admired the fact that after basic job training, people feel compelled to return and give on the backside. After they have found jobs and/or gotten themselves settled. The backflow on the backside was why I wanted to apply for the position and what I felt the strength of the program was.

I woke up really wanting to go back to doing community work. I woke up really wanting that job.

It got me thinking about how much different I am (or the same) after having left the organization 4 years ago. A lot has happened in that time. I have been working as an EMT now for two years and everything about it has made me a better person. Running emergency-911 calls and inter-facility transports between hospitals for the sick and recovering has introduced me to a myriad of different personalities of different social, economic and ethnic backgrounds. From Huntington Park to Huntington Beach, I have served people at their most vulnerable...sometimes thanklessly. It has taught me patience, humility, to trust my skills and to stick to my convictions while observing protocol and respecting policy. I am thankful for the opportunity to be doing what I do for a living. But I do want more. I know I can do more. Learn more. Grow more.

I think that's what this dream was about.

Did you eat?

Means
I Love You

[heart] this

Si tú me olvidas

Quiero que sepas
una cosa.

Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe,
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.

Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.

Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.

Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en ese día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.

Pero
si cada día,
cada hora
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable.
Si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.

~Pablo Neruda

Sigh

I love it when the groom is moved to tears as he says his vows.

Things I'm thinking about

The Story of Stuff
Hoping my parents' packrat and hoarding tendencies are not hereditary. This is not to say the house has things piled to the ceiling with narrow tunnels to get from one room to the next, but we do have a lot of stuff.

Getting Things Done
About
How
Feasibility- GTD seems really stoic and sterile. I think that we as humans need instructions and guides like this because we tend to get distracted from what we initially deemed important priorities. I'd like to say that I'm able to make goals and stick to them, but I wonder if I would be more efficient of I thought more like a machine--cut out the fat, eliminated the excess, focused on the tasks at hand, and attacked my new to-do lists with precision. But I like my distractions. Stopping to smell the flowers has been what keeps me going. *sigh* What to do, what to do.

I'm going to get rid of some no-longer-needed things in my life.

Borrowed

The spaces between my fingers

Vanilla Twilight