Mercury is in retrograde, and Saturn is in Libra. WTF?

Today I spent some time with a friend and met his wife for the first time. I already feel like she and I will become fast friends... but there is one thing about her that I have never encountered in another person I have met. She not only likes to read horoscopes and astrological forecasts, she remembers them and incorporates them into life in such a way that guides her behavior. I don't think I have ever met anyone that will caution her husband not to replace his non-functional XBOX (which he wants so he can play Portal 2) because Mercury is in retrograde and it is the governor of all moving parts, as in electronics. The reason why it is not working is not because he didn't turn it on in 2 years, but because the movement of celestial bodies dictates so. This might make her seem like a flighty, irrational, and loopy woman but she is not. She is intelligent, thoughtful, insightful and practical... except for her "like" of astrology.

So she got me to look up my astrological forecast for April from her favorite related website. It told me 2 main things:

(1) DO NOTHING. MAKE NO DECISIONS. MAKE NO BINDING CONTRACTS.
This month, the planets will be a bit wild, sending differing, often opposite, messages, at the same time. As the adage goes, "When in doubt, do nothing." With your ruler, Mercury, retrograde from March 30 to April 23, things cannot be settled to your satisfaction anyway, so take your sweet time to sort out options and do your research.
Mercury is the planet of thinking, reasoning, and communication, so when it is out of phase, everyone of every sign feels it, but Gemini always feels it more than most. Mercury is your guardian planet, so when retrograde, it is an unfortunate time to launch anything new. It is also not a time to sign a contract or even give your final word of approval verbally. Conditions are shifting rapidly now, a fact you may not see until later. Nothing will be set in stone this month, so if you make decisions now, your decisions will be based on the wrong criteria and with priorities that will change later.

(2) ANY RELATIONSHIP I HAVE NOW IS FATED TO BE LONG DISTANCE (OR SOMETHING)
Saturn's presence [in Libra] could also suggest that you and the person you are dating (if you are dating) need to be in very different locations. Saturn brings separations through no fault of your own, just to see what you will do. Sometimes Saturn does this to test the strength of your relationship. Saturn will change signs in October 2012, so from now until then, you will have to contend with that situation.

I try not live my life according to illogical and irrational thinking, or quackery BUT this is a little weird. Just sayin'

I have further thoughts about dating and relationships that I wanted to blog about tonight but I'm going to sleep instead. Maybe another time.