I woke up from a night's sleep, and had one of those moments where you just stare at the ceiling and reflect on life. Then I picked up the phone mini-computer to see what the humans on the interwebs are up to. There are some things that Facebook is good for. I read about how someone manifested a good woman in his life. It
wasn't as though he conjured her from the air, but he allowed her to
enter his life in a space that was healthy. After you've cleared your heart of the muck and debris, you allow for beauty and truth to enter. I have consciously decided that my heart has healed enough and is ready for love.
This morning, as I pondered at the popcorn ceiling,
I
thought to myself that every tear, laugh, tender moment, excruciating pain, excited
joy, and
ripped heart seam has brought me to now
When this big muscle in my chest is open.
When I have
emotions that are at once
Sophisticated and enlivening.
Soothing and
exhilarating.
Sensual and emphatic.
And Oh. So. Fucking. Good.
I
am seeing and feeling butterflies for the first time since I can
remember. Fluttering about, they don't seem like normal butterflies of
the blindly infatuated school girl giddy variety. Those are there too,
but there is something more substantial. It's not as though these
butterflies are all sitting around reading David Foster Wallace, but
more like they are conscious and present of the energy and light. There is a desire to learn,
explore curiosity, and weave textiles with our interests, insights, fear
and joy. It's a blanket of love in which I feel safe.
I
like that this relationship is becoming a vessel for mutual growth that will not
only tenderly hold it, but carry it to new heights and horizons. I can't
wait to experience everything else it has to share with me, reveal about
me, and incite in me.
